Nihilist seeks nothing.


This review of a compilation of LRB personal ads led to the ferreting out of these lovely things, which prove if nothing else that the art of self-deprecation is alive and well:

I wrote this ad to prove I’m not gay. Man, 29. Not gay. Absolutely not. Box no. 2205

Beneath this hostile museum curator’s exterior lies a hostile museum curator’s interior. F, 38. Box no. 13/07

‘Scarface’, ‘Mad Dog’, ‘Pretty Boy’, ‘Baby Face’ – if I had an
underworld crime nickname it would be ‘Screwed by Ex-Wife’s Solicitor
and Currently Sleeping in a Caravan’. Man, 42. Screwed by ex-wife’s
solicitor and currently sleeping in a caravan. Box no. 14/06

My hobbies include crying and hating men. F., 29. Box no. 14/10

All humans are 99.9% genetically identical, so don’t even think of
ending any potential relationship begun here with ‘I just don’t think
we have enough in common’. Science has long since proven that I am the
man for you (41, likes to be referred to as ‘Wing Commander’ in the
bedroom). Box no. 10/11

and finally, compare this three-word classic from the LRB “Misery, seeks company” with a representative example from the New York Review of Books:

“Passionate, stunning, sassy and dynamic maverick with loving heart. Considered adorable and cute. Combines athletic outdoorsyness with easy sophistication. Accomplished consultant and educator, serves on cultural, educational, environmental boards. Willowy, athletic, very physical with slender dancer’s body. Loves entetaining friends, brainstorming, playing with ideas, theater (classical, contemporary, cutting edge), jazz clubs, sailing, skiing, golf, South of France, most of Italy, Australia. Interested in the world – politics, people, the arts, finance, everything on the forny page and more…”

That slice of Italy she doesn’t like must be crying itself to sleep at night (on it’s gigantic pillow.)


4 thoughts on “Nihilist seeks nothing.

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